RABBLE, n. In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred Simurgh, of Arabian fable – omnipotent on condition that it do nothing.
ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.
NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.
A rabbit’s foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance – against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat.
GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that.
MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.
GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.
IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.
DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one’s life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
FOLLY, n. That “gift and faculty divine” whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man’s mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.
INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.
PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction – prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.
FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.