When you feel scared, hold someone’s hand and look into their eyes. And when you feel brave, do the same thing. You are all here because you are smart. And you are brave. And if you add kindness and the ability to change a tire, you almost make up the perfect person.
We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn’t matter. But work is third.
According to Washington insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan could be the next official to leave the Bush administration. McClellan says he’d like to spend more time lying for his family.
Because of various security lapses, some senators are calling for a probe of the security at the offices of the Department of Homeland Security. The investigation will be conducted by the Department of Irony.
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said that New Orleans, when rebuilt, will be a chocolate city. And he will be the delicious nut in the center.
The French have launched their own version of Google, called Quaero. You just type in the subject you’re interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you.
I grew up watching skating all the time in the Olympic stuff.
In the trial of Saddam Hussein on Tuesday, witnesses emotionally testified about the abuse the former dictator inflicted on them. Afterward, a tearful Saddam said, ‘Ah, good times.’
A new poll reveals that 56% of Americans believe that Wal-Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44% work there.
You can’t stand around and wait to be asked to dance.
I think going from laughing to crying to laughing to crying – making those quick turns adds years to your life.
Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortablene ss directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being. See what I just did there? I saved you thousands of dollars on self-help books. If you can surf your life rather than plant your feet, you will be happier.
I worked at an ice cream parlor called Chadwicks. We wore old-timey outfits and had to bang a drum, play a kazoo, and sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to people while giving them free birthday sundaes. Lots of ice cream scooping and $1 tips.
I lived in Chicago for a few years and got a sense of – kind of that broad-shouldered, windy, um, stern, Midwestern, warm-slash-passive aggressive, wonderful – every adjective I can think of, very cold.
I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate – I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday.
Keep your virginity for as long as you can, until it starts to feel weird to you. Then just get it over with.
President Bush threw out the first pitch Monday at Cincinnati’s great American ball park. 18 Iraqis were killed.
When you’re doing sketch comedy and you’re pregnant, it’s like wearing a giant sombrero in every sketch.
When I had a job catering, I catered a wedding for the Smashing Pumpkins bassist in Indiana. And I served Billy Corgan shrimp off a tray.
So, if you’re doing good longform with talented people than you can step out and you can be the president or a construction worker and people accept that. It’s really the roles you give yourself.