My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
When comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
The inspiration was this great group of 40 or 50 relatives, sometimes for Thanksgiving or Passover or something and my brothers would just go up and make them laugh.
I didn’t rebel as a child. I missed that angry teenager thing.
My mind is always going. I’m always thinking what I need to do, what I haven’t done, what I did do, what I didn’t do as well as I could – I’m relentless that way with myself.
I was a film-directing major at NYU. I’m still not sure why I became a directing major, when I was really an actor and a comedian, but there was something that drew me to doing that.
At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!
I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.