People, generally, suck.
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.
Children see magic because they look for it.
Don’t be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It’s the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.
It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.
That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.
Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.
I love you above all things, even pie.
She’s so small, yet she contains so much evil.
Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.