Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want...
This knowledge sits in my heart, heavy as a paperweight.
Sometime during your life – in fact, very soon – you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.
I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion – just when we’re in a bookstore together. I like to receive reference books on my birthday.
The real Santa Claus is at the mall.
All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now he wasn’t so sure.
Here we are at the bottom, almost empty. It’s like confetti, these dried remnants you find in the street for a party no one invited you to. But they used to be, I can admit, part of something beautiful.
Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.
My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I’m sure you can understand, I didn’t feel any better about it.
Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you’re the one keeping them, I’ll be the one feeling better.
This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one’s stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in your bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there.
The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great sadness, you may feel as if you have been set aflame, not only because of the enormous pain, but also because your sadness may spread over your life, like smoke from an enormous fire.
One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
No reality has the power to dispel a dream.
When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
We are all told to ignore bullies. It’s something they teach you, and they can teach you anything. It doesn’t mean you learn it. It doesn’t mean you believe it. One should never ignore bullies. One should stop them.
I don’t know why wicked places generally look wicked. You’d think they’d look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.
Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.
He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you when he actually had several and simply wanted to see you get soaked.
Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying ‘I probably won’t hit you with a shovel.’ Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.