Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
Because you’ve been on dates where y’know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It’s so funny! Right in the first six pages, it’s funny!
You have to have some level of attachment, you can still have passion and believe but it has to be softened somewhat.
There is nothing interesting about just seeing me doing the show then seeing the fans and how much people love me.
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m not a Republican. I’m not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are...
What happened to our friendship? I really think it’s our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, ‘Look, I’m sorry, but your baby is fking boring.’
It’s just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other.
I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.
I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don’t, and I haven’t for awhile. That’s just because it makes me – and I’m not saying this about everybody else – but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I’m not very good at.
If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.
There is also a kind of mean-spiritedness with LA comics.
I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.
I read the New York Times, and if I’m in a different city, I’ll skim that paper.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys ’cause you’re in a sound booth by yourself and they’re all in a room in Atlanta.
Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.