I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.
I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the ‘Harry Potter’ books.
But I don’t distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I’ll take either.
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you’re a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence.
I’m the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I’ve never even met.
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I’m afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.
On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf’s lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.
Sometimes with ‘The New Yorker,’ they have grammar rules that just don’t feel right in my mouth.
Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.
He’s as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
I’ve always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives.
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work things out for the sake of the apartment.
The landscape is best described as ‘pedestrian hostile.’ It’s pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.
They’re hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.