Not long afterwards we were married. The joy I obtained as a result of this action was not necessarily great or savage, but the suffering which ensued was staggering – so far surpassing what I had imagined that even describing it as “horrendous” would not quite cover it. The “world,” after all, was still a place of bottomless horror. It was by no means a place of childlike simplicity where everything could be settled by a single then-and-there decision.
If you’ve slept soundly at night the morning is exhilarating, I suppose.
If I were to experience failure upon failure day after day – nothing but total embarrassment – then perhaps I’d develop some semblance of dignity as a result. But no, I would somehow illogically twist even such failures, gloss over them smoothly, so that it would seem like they had a perfectly good theory behind them. And I would have no qualms about putting on a desperate show to do so.
If ever I meet someone society has designated as an outcast, I invariably feel affection for him, an emotion which carries me away in melting tenderness.
Why is physical love bad and spiritual love good? I don’t understand. I can’t help feeling that they are the same. I would like to boast that I am she who could destroy her body and soul in Gehenna for the sake of a love, for the sake of a passion she could not understand, or for the sake of the sorrow they engendered.
Forgive me. I didn’t mean to kill you, Polonius. The blade slipped out of the sheath, and it struck you.
There’s something about you that smells a little of a Christian priest. I find it offensive.
Just to see all the books lining the shelves would lighten my mood as if by magic. Of course, I didn’t go to bookstores just to read articles on anatomy. I went because any book gave me comfort and solace at the time.
That was a really rare event. I don’t think It’s an exaggeration to say that It was the one and only time in my life that I refused something offered to me. My unhappiness was the happiness of a person who could not say no. I had been intimidated by the fear that if I declined something offered me, a yawning crevice would open between the other person’s heart and myself which could never be mended through all eternity.
I had been intimidated by the fear that if I declined something offered me, a yawning crevice would open between the other person’s heart and myself which could never be mended through all eternity.
If it failed I had no choice but to hang myself, a resolve which was tantamount to a bet on the existence of God.
A mere smile can determine a woman’s fate. It is frightening. Fascinatingly so. I have to be careful.
Women found in me a man who could keep a love secret.
Haven’t we known for a long time that it’s a mistake to attach meaning to each and every action of a person? Forced explanations often end in a distortion of lies.
Am I what they call an egoist? Or am I the opposite, a man of excessively weak spirit? I really don’t know myself, but since I seem in either case to be a mass of vices, I drop steadily, inevitably, into unhappiness, and I have no specific plan to stave off my descent.
But people almost never say, “Die!“, Paltry prudent, hypocrites.
The smile of one flower permeates those who live next to death more than the problem of life and death.
For the first time in my life I realized what a horrible, miserable, salvationless hell it is to be without money.
Real thought takes courage more than intelligence.
Heaven forbid if beauty were to have substance. Genuine beauty is always meaningless, without virtue.