Life itself is bound to be dreary if you carry a lot of baggage about.
Each day I deceived myself, unlike you who could never deceive yourself. Anxiety was trapped in the depths of my heart, like a formation of black clouds I could not break free of.
They scolded us for not having any real hopes or real ambitions, but if we were to pursue our true ideals, would these people watch and guide us along the way?
We have a vague notion of the best place we should go, or the beautiful places we should like to see, or the kinds of places that would make us grow as a person. We yearn for a good life. We have real hopes and ambitions. We feel impatient for an unshakable faith that we can rely on. But it would require considerable effort to express such things in our typical life as a girl.
I slept quietly so that I would breathe without coughing, and felt a curious indifference. I even felt like I had been waiting for that night for a long time. The words “heart’s desire” came to mind.
I have no choice. I am a person with no reason to live. I know my lot. Yes, it would be great to die one day sooner.
Now, I will make better use of my body and be useful by increasing food production just a little, then I will bid farewell to this world. It would be good to lighten the burden on this country. That is my path to best serve my country as a useless invalid. I want to die soon.
The thought occurred to me as I lay there. You wait and wait for happiness, and when finally you can’t bear it any longer, you rush out of the house, only to hear later that a marvelous happiness arrived the following day at the home you had abandoned, and now it was too late. Sometimes happiness arrives one night too late.
Of course, I intended to die without telling a soul about my illness. Without anyone knowing, I would secretly deteriorate. Actually, I felt that there was nothing else I could do. I had no alternatives. Shouldn’t I be resolved to die as a peasant in my horribly confused final circumstance? I had no excuses. It was not because life suddenly became precious, but the forced pretense until yesterday had disappeared.
People depend on death to be complete. While alive, they are all incomplete.
We all live a sheet of paper away from death, so we shouldn’t be surprised by death.
The source of our laughter is the small stone that tumbled into a corner of Pandora’s box.
I think humanity is universal love and no one should be banished. The natural love of humanity is not to be forgotten under any circumstances.
To begin with, I believe a fatal contradiction lies between women’s right to vote and lipstick. Those guys usually aren’t popular with the ladies. Without a doubt, this is a plan for revenge.
American planes circled the clear blue sky of late fall. We stood in front of the Miyoshino-style building and looked up at them. “They’re flying around in vain.” “Yeah,” Mabo said with a smile.
But the planes have a new elegant shape. Not one unnecessary ornament.” “Yes,” said Mabo softly and watched the planes fly off through the sky with a childlike innocence. “A form with no unneeded ornaments is nice.
We continued to walk without talking. I thought that from now on I will carefully look at the faces of women I encounter, and to some degree, the innocent, transparent beauty of Mabo will appear in all of their faces. Women have become womanly. But the change is not in the women before the world war. The new womanliness has experienced the suffering of war.
My surroundings are becoming as bright as I am. Until now, usually, haven’t the places we appeared automatically become bright and splendid?
After that, there is nothing more to say. We will move straight ahead at the perfect pace, neither too fast nor too slow. Where does this road lead? Perhaps, you should ask a growing vine. The vine may answer. “I don’t know. But I grow toward the sunlight.
Long personal experience had taught me that when a woman suddenly bursts into hysterics, the way to restore her sprits is to give her something sweet.