Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.
Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.
The key thing is to get that one splash – that one song or that one video for a song – that catches people’s eyes. Because it’s all digital content now.
Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad.
Everybody’s vying for people’s attention in terms of eyeballs, earholes, and dollars .
What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, ‘I’m going to protect all these strangers.’
Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.
Everyone’s got skeletons in their closet, and I’ve got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out why they said not to do it.
If you’re over 52 years old and you’re on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now.
Charlotte Rampling, when she was younger, looked exactly like my wife. That’s one of the reasons that when I first saw my wife, my knees buckled. Based on her looks alone, she was already in my kitchen making eggs.
George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.
I don’t watch ‘American Idol.’ I don’t watch any of that stuff.
Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.
Everyone should have an evil secret plan...
When I go to Batman movies, I always think, ‘Man, I would like to be a bad guy in a Batman movie.’ especially as they got darker when they go to the Christian Bale era.