I’d take a helicopter up and throw microwave ovens down on the Taco Bell.
Before machines the only form of entertainment people really had was relationships.
Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?
Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives; the rest is filler.
Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.
We want our idols to be dead because it makes death a much less scary place.
We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they’re so rude.
There’s much to be said for feeling numb. Time passes more quickly. You eat less, and because numbness encourages laziness, you do fewer things, good or bad, and the world’s probably a better place for it.
In the same way you can never go backward to a slower computer, you can never go backward to a lessened state of connectedness.
Canadians can easily ‘pass for American’ as long as we don’t accidentally use metric measurements or apologize when hit by a car.
I find it hard to believe that human beings are the crowning achievement of life on earth. Something better than us has to come along.
Your brain forms roughly 10,000 new cells every day, but unless they hook up to preexisting cells with strong memories, they die. Serves them right.
Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed dating for clueless people.
Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents you from getting what you want.
The modern economy isn’t about the redistribution of wealth, it’s about the redistribution of time.
The harder you try to become the opposite of your parents, the more quickly you become them.
Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.
Wilcox Fate is for losers.
Every single moment is a coincidence.