If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you’ve been taking.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Always remember, money isn’t everything – but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we’d probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don’t.
To sell something, tell a woman it’s a bargain; tell a man it’s deductible.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.
A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women – but not far enough to lose his balance.
If you wouldn’t write it and sign it, don’t say it.
Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn’t yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.
You may not be able to read a doctor’s handwriting and prescription, but you’ll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.