Whenever I am doing anything else, which is most of the time, even if it is not something like robbing a bank, I feel felonious. Writing is what I’m supposed to be doing.
I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I’m lazier than most. I don’t want to brag, but I’m the laziest person I have ever known.
Writing is so hard. Why would you be a writer if you weren’t really good at it? If you could be anything else, why would you be a writer?
Most writers write too much. I have the exact opposite problem. I feel I could write almost anything in a paragraph. I have a natural ability to condense, and so I often think, “Are you kidding me? Five thousand words? How am I gonna make 5,000 words out of that?”
Whenever someone accuses someone of being a racist – which is rare, you have to admit, considering how much racism there is – there is an incredible outrage. I realized that we live in an environment that it seems to be worse to call someone a racist than to be one.
I’m not a Communist. I’m an American. I’m a capitalist. I mean, I’m not a very good capitalist, myself. I’m not very good at it, but it’s not that I’m not for capitalism. But people who believe in things like corporate citizenship, it’s idiotic. I mean, it shows you’re an idiot.
A book is not supposed to be a mirror. It’s supposed to be a door.
Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.
I am not a callous sort. I believe that all people should have warm clothing, sufficient food, and adequate shelter. I do feel, however, that unless they are willing to behave in an acceptable manner they should bundle up, chow down, and stay home.
Sarcasm: what they have in New York instead of jacuzzis.
He allowed people to express their racism and bigotry in a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they really love him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realise people love their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred – what is that about? It’s a fear of your own weakness.
Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.
I open the refrigerator. I decide against the half a lemon and jar of Gulden’s mustard and on the spur of the moment choose instead to have breakfast out. I guess that’s just the kind of girl I am – whimsical. 5:10.
Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn’t make up yourself.
Red is frequently associated with passion because it is the color of fire. Those who take this seriously need to be reminded there is such a thing as arson.
Wondered briefly why listings always specify wood-burning fireplaces. Decided that considering the prices they’re asking, it’s probably just a warning device for those who might otherwise figure what the hell, and just burn money.
If you must give your child lessons, send him to driving school. He is far more likely to end up owning a Datsun than he is a Stradivarius.
If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.
Almost immediately upon entering the thirteenth year of life, a chubby little child becomes a big fat girl, and a boy previously spoken of as “small for his age” finds that he is, in reality, a boy who is short.
Wearing dark glasses at the breakfast table is socially acceptable only if you are legally blind or partaking of your morning meal out of doors during a total eclipse of the sun.