I always make a big effort to make a distinction between what is actually worse or what is just worse about not being 21. Of course, it’s much worse not to be 21. This is a given. But there are things that are worse.
Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it.
I’m like the laziest person who ever lived. It’s amazing to me I even sit up.
In fact, we live in a culture where intelligence, exceptional or not, is reviled.
People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand that there must be a reason for this.
A great many people in Los Angeles are on special diets that restrict their intake of synthetic foods. The reason for this appears to be a widely held belief that organically grown fruits and vegetables make the cocaine work faster.
The Italians are the most civilized people. And they’re very warm. Basically, they’re Jews with great architecture.
Albert Einstein didn’t care where he lived. Albert Einstein was a genius. Albert Einstein wasn’t getting lost in the master bedroom, he was lost in thought.
People elect the President for reasons that have nothing to do with his ability to be president.
Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in mood, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement-mixer long after one’s own interest in the topic has waned.
A dog who thinks he is a man’s best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that’s not at all what fit means.
The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
A community is a butcher and a doctor, a minister, a town troublemaker. A “community” is not a bunch of people united by some grievance. That’s just self-righteousness – incredibly dangerous and antidemocratic.
White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.
Raisins are a thing that lasts, they come in small boxes, and you always feel like eating raisins, even at six in the morning. A raisin is always an appropriate snack.
All of television’s appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.
It’s very important when making a friend to check and see if they have a private plane. People think a good personality trait in a friend is kindness or a sense of humor. No, in a friend a good personality trait is a Gulfstream.
Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn’t make up yourself – a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.