A long flight. Jetlag. Immigration. Customs. And then finally, that first step into a new place, that moment of exhilaration and disorientation, each feeding the other. That moment when anything can happen.
Accidents. It’s all about the accidents.
Closure. I loathe that word.
Saba used to say there was a difference between bravery and courage. Bravery was doing something dangerous without thinking. Courage was walking into danger, knowing full well the risks.
I don’t discount a magical hand of fate. I am an actor, after all, and a Shakespearian, no less. But it can’t be the ruling force of your life. You have to be the driver.
I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.
I’ll let you go. If you stay.
My stomach lurched, an appetizer before the full portion of heartache I had a feeling was going to be served at some point soon.
Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open.
I’ve become to realize there’s a world of difference between knowing something happened, even knowing why it happened, and believing it.
Adam lay perfectly still, little groans escaping from his lips. I looked at the bow, looked at my hands, looked at Adam’s face and felt this surge of love, lust, and an unfamiliar feeling of power.
Fake it till you make it actually worked.
A thousand suns rise from my chest.
I know what I did to you was so wrong, but at the time it also felt so necessary to my survival. I don’t know if those two things can both be true, but that’s how it was.
It’s ok if you want to stop fighting.
I know that unlike that night, tonight I won’t kiss her. Or touch her. Or even see her up close. Tonight, I’ll listen. And that’ll be enough.
Everyone has hardship in their life. Everyone has pain.
It feels like the city is telling secrets down here, privy only to those who think to listen.
Suddenly, it’s all too much. Bryn and the bump watch. Vanessa with my high school yearbook. The idea that nothing’s sacred. Everything’s fodder. That my life belongs to anyone but me.
If I stay. If I live. It’s up to me.