If you begin by sacrificing yourself to those you love, you will end by hating those to whom you have sacrificed yourself.
It is more dangerous to be a great prophet or poet than to promote twenty companies for swindling simple folk out of their savings.
Your father is a fool skin deep; but you are a fool to your very marrow.
The poor silly-clever Irishman takes off his hat to God’s Englishman.
Not everybody is strong enough to endure life without an anesthetic. Drink probably averts more gross crime than it causes.
You can rave about Stravinsky without the slightest risk of being classified as a lunatic by the next generation .
The price of ability does not depend on merit but on supply and demand.
Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.
It would positively be a relief to me to dig Shakespeare up and throw stones at him.
Every drunken skipper trusts to Providence. But one of the ways of Providence with drunken skippers is to run them on the rocks.
It is nearly 50 years since I was assured by a conclave of doctors that if I did not eat meat I should die of starvation.
This planet is obviously being used as an insane asylum by other planets.
Hell is a place where you have nothing to do but amuse yourself.
That older and greater church to which I belong: the church where the oftener you laugh the better, because by laughter only can you destroy evil without malice.
A woman whose face looked as if it had been made of sugar and someone had licked it.
You can lose a man like that by your own death, but not by his.
My only policy is to profess evil and do good.
No man fully capable of his own language ever masters another.
Morality is not respectability.
From Mozart I learnt to say important things in a conversational way.