Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
A man is called a good fellow for doing things which, if done by a woman, would land her in a lunatic asylum.
The only guarantee of the Bill of Rights which continues to have any force and effect is the one prohibiting quartering troops on citizens in time of peace. All the rest have been disposed of by judicial interpretation and legislative whittling.
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women.
To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!
Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That’s the way the mind of man operates.
Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong.
A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
The kind of man who demands that government enforce his ideas is always the kind whose ideas are idiotic.
The older I get the more I admire and crave competence, just simple competence, in any field from adultery to zoology.
The state remains, as it was in the beginning, the common enemy of all well-disposed, industrious and decent men.
The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.
Democracy is grounded upon so childish a complex of fallacies that they must be protected by a rigid system of taboos, else even halfwits would argue it to pieces. Its first concern must be to penalize the free play of ideas.
There are no dull subjects. There are only dull writers.
When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.
Jury – A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
Why do men delight in work? Fundamentally, I suppose, because there is a sense of relief and pleasure in getting something done – a kind of satisfaction not unlike that which a hen enjoys on laying an egg.
Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.
Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.