Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.
To be himself, one neeeds to be free from the pressure of evaluative praise.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.
Misbehavior and punishment are not opposites that cancel each other – on the contrary they breed and reinforce each other.
Many teenagers are tormented by terrors they deem private and personal. They do not know that their anxieties and doubts are universal.
Wise parents know that fighting a teenager, like fighting a riptide, is inviting doom.
Teenagers crave independence. The more self-suf-ficient we make them feel, the less hostile they are toward us.
The search for a personal identity is the life task of a teenager.
Each of us carries within himself a collection of instant insults.
Like a trained surgeon who is careful where he cuts, parents, too, need to become skilled in the use of words. Because words are like knives. They can inflict, if not physical, many painful emotional wounds.
Children become frustrated and resentful when they view their parents as not being interested “in how they feel and in their point of view.
Children do not yearn for equal shares of love: They need to be loved uniquely, not uniformly. The emphasis is on quality, not equality. We.
Empathy, a parent’s ability to understand what a child is feeling, is an important and valuable ingredient of child rearing.
Misbehavior and punishment are not opposites that cancel each other; on the contrary, they breed and reinforce each other. Punishment does not deter misconduct. It makes the offender more skillful in escaping detection. When children are punished they resolve to be more careful, not more obedient or responsible. Parents.
In criticism parents attack children’s personality attributes and their character. In guidance we state the problem and a possible solution. We say nothing to the child about himself or herself. When.
It is a deep comfort to children to discover that their feelings are a normal part of the human experience. There is no better way to convey that than to understand them. When.
Young children have genuine difficulty in coping with their socially unacceptable impulses. The parents must be an ally in the child’s struggle for control of such impulses. By setting limits, the parent offers help to the child. Besides stopping dangerous conduct, the limit also conveys a silent message: You don’t have to be afraid of your impulses. I won’t let you go too far. It is safe. Techniques.
The rule is that when we know the answer, we do not ask the question.
What is the goal of parenting? It’s to help a child grow up to be a decent human being, a mensch, a person with compassion, commitment, and caring.
A limit must be stated in a manner that is deliberately calculated to minimize resentment, and to save self-respect. The very process of limit-setting, of saying “no,” should convey authority, not insult. It should deal with a specific event, not with a developmental history.