After all, the ultimate goal of learning boundaries is to free us up to protect, nurture, and develop the lives God has given us stewardship over. Setting boundaries is mature, proactive, initiative-taking. It’s being in control of our lives. Individuals with mature boundaries aren’t frantic, in a hurry, or out of control. They have a direction in their lives, a steady moving toward their personal goals. They plan ahead. The.
Our kids aren’t an annuity for our retirement, social system, or medical frailty.
How does our self-sufficiency ruin safety? Primarily by preventing us from experiencing our impoverishment. People who “have it together” are not hungry, or thirsty, for others. They do not feel a lack within when they’re alone or in distress. They do not connect with other people, because they do not experience any need for it.
If you are angry, even if someone else has sinned against you, it is your responsibility to do something about it.
Encourage your child to think for himself, disagree, and talk about his feelings while accepting your authority.
Clarity leads to attention and attention leads to results.
But until then, you might find yourself laboring much longer than you should, still trying to get someone to change, thinking that one more coaching session will do the trick – or one more bit of encouragement, or one more session of feedback or confrontation. Or worse, one more concession.
Other Christians may try to tell you what your values should be, but they are not perfect. You must take responsibility for your own choices.
When we put our faith and trust in God, we’ve done the one thing that a human can do to accomplish superhuman things. We have reached past human strength and knowledge. We’ve touched infinite strength and infinite knowledge.
Loneliness is stronger than resolve, willpower, or discipline.
Safe people, for example, admit their weaknesses. They are humble. And they prove their trustworthiness over time.
Change is frightening. It may comfort you to know, that if you are afraid, you are possibly on the right road – the road to change and growth. One businessman I know says that if he is not totally frightened at some point in every day, he is not stretching himself far enough. He is very successful at what he does.
So if you feel resistance about executing a certain ending, figure out what two or more desires are in conflict, admit to yourself that you can have only one, and then ask yourself this question: Which one am I willing to give up to have the other one?
Many people do not think very often about what they think about. They just let their thoughts live inside their head, without observing or questioning them.
As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow. No one likes to hear negative things about him or herself. But in the long run it may be good for us.
You know you’re around a safe, adult person by the following characteristics: She is not threatened by your differences. She has standards, values, and convictions she’s worked out for herself. At the same time, she doesn’t have a “right way” and a “wrong way” for everything. She functions at least on the same level of maturity as her same-age peers. She appreciates mystery and the unknown. She encourages me to develop my own values.
Appropriate boundaries don’t control, attack or hurt anyone. They simply prevent your treasures from being taken at the wrong time. Saying no to adults, who are responsible for getting their own needs met, may cause some discomfort. But it doesn’t cause injury.
People who forgive can – and should – also be people who confront. What is not confessed can’t be forgiven.
Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away.
Other children communicate with actions, such as tantrums, yelling, name-calling, and running away. The trick is to disallow this form of expression and encourage verbal communication. “I want to know what you are feeling, but I want to hear you tell me instead of show me.