I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
Don’t mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you?
You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it’s not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
I won’t lie to you, fatherhood isn’t easy like motherhood.
Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Never throw a butcher knife in anger.
If you’re gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I’ll just have to stop doing stupid things.
Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
Rock stars, is there anything they don’t know?
I’ll get out of this city alive, even if it kills me!
Do I know what rhetorical means?
Boy, everyone is stupid except me.
Good things don’t end in -eum; they end in -mania or -teria.
I’m like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.
Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.
I’m not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man.
You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!
Be generous in the bedroom. Share your sandwich.