She talks about the desertion. How each time it broke her heart. How with each break it became harder to heal. How with each time she healed, it became harder to love again. How each time hope faded into desolation. Into loneliness and despair. Into self-hatred and self-loathing. At the beginning there was hope. It faded. At the end there was nothing.
They say live and let live, do not judge, take life as it comes.
I don’t believe she’s in Heaven and I don’t believe she’s in a better place. She’s dead and when we’re dead, we’re gone. There are no blinding lights, there is no happy music, there are no Angels waiting to greet us.
If you want to be whole, you must first be partial.
No matter how bad or difficult life becomes, if you hold on, hold on to whatever it is you need to hold on to. If you hold on, just hold on, life will get better.
No one wants to die alone, even though that’s how it happens to all of us, even though we pretend there’s some other ways.
The pain is immense, but I need it because it keeps me from going insane.
I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I can’t look myself in the eye. I hate myself so much that suicide seems like a reasonable option.
We ask for progress, not perfection. Just do your best.
There is no Higher Power or any God who is responsible for what I do and for what I have done and for who I am. There is no Higher Power or any God who will cure me. There is no Meeting where any amount of whining, complaining and blaming is going to make me feel any better.
No judgment, no condescension. Just hope.
Whether they are accepted or not isn’t important. What is important is the act of apologizing, the act of admitting fault, the act of asking for forgiveness.
If there is beauty, there is ugliness. If there is good, there is bad. Being and nonbeing and difficult and easy and high and low and long and short and before and after and need, depend, create and define each other.
Don’t tell people the way, just show them the results.
Los Angeles is a lonely city. Everyone is focused on advancement success fame and money, it is hard to adjust to a culture based on always wanting more, on never being satisfied.
I reach up and out and I put my arms around Leonard and I hug him. I don’t know any words, so I let my actions speak. Strong, simple and deep appreciation. The actions speak true.
Blood is blood and it’s all red. Show me what’s in your heart and in your eyes.
Learn to deal with that. It’s the way of the world. You fight and struggle and work your ass off and then you die. Deal with that.
My mind is filled with one thought and it runs through over and over and over.
I can feel blood dripping from the wounds on my face and I can feel my heart beating and I can feel the weight of my life beginning to drop and I realize why dawn is called mourning.