I think God is something that people use to avoid reality. I think faith allows people to reject what is right in front of our eyes, which is that thing, this life, this existence, this consciousness, or whatever word you want to use for it, is all we have, and all we’ll ever have. I think people have faith because they want and need to believe in something, whatever that something is, because life can be hard and depressing and brutal if you don’t.
Hate me if you must, but know that I will never hate you.
It started when she passed me a note in English class. The note said you don’t seem as awful as I hear you are. I passed one back that read: beware I am as awful as people say and worse. She laughed and I had a friend. She didn’t become my Ally and I didn’t ask her to or want her to but she became my friend and that was more than anyone else was willing to do.
When I find a magazine and I lean back to start reading it, I can see the woman watching me out of the corner of her eye. She moves closer to the child and she puts her arm around him and she leans over and kisses his forehead. I know why she does it and I don’t blame her and as I open my magazine my heart breaks and I hope that the little boy doesn’t grow up to be anything like me.
Enemies are a given. Friends are not.
The Bible was written two thousand years ago. The world is a different place now. Stories that had meaning then are meaningless now. Beliefs that might have been valid then are invalid now. Those books should be looked at in the same way we look at anything of that age with interest with an acknowledgement of the historical importance but they should not be thought of as anything that has any value.
The future is unwritten. What will be will be.
I choose to be the person that i want to be.
My secret is that I choose to be the person that I want to be. That I don’t believe in destiny or predetermination, but in choice, and that each of us chooses to be the person we are. Whatever you want to be you can be, whatever you want to do you can do, wherever you want to go you can go. The world, and the life ahead, is ours for the taking. The future is unwritten, and you can make it whatever you want it to be.
The life of the Addict is always the same. There is no excitement, no glamour, no fun. There are no good times, there is no joy, there is no happiness. There is no future and no escape. There is only an obsession. An all-encompassing, fully enveloping, completely overwhelming obsession. To make light of it, brag about it, or revel in the mock glory of it is not in any way, shape or form related to its truth, and that is all that matters, the truth.
I want one last look at something beautiful. I want one last look so that I have something to hold in my mind while I’m dying, so that when I take my last breath I will be able to think of something that will make me smile, so that in the midst of the horror I can hold on to some shred of humanity.
I always felt I had a hole in my heart, this big black hole that made me feel lonely and empty and worthless. I tried to fill it, everybody tries in some way, and it just got bigger and bigger.
They say confront the difficult while it is easy, accomplish the great one step at a time. They say let things come and let things go and live without possession and live without expectation.
Jovinderpihainu breaks it. “You are right to ask, Shari. But there is a difference between being honest and being right. Honest men lie all the time, believing that they tell the truth. Much evil is borne on the back of honesty.
You can tell yourself anything you want, but until you believe what you’re telling yourself, you’re wasting words.
I am going to die. When I die I will be dead, gone, no more. There will be no more thinking, no more breathing, no more feeling of any kind. There will blackness and the blackness will be eternal. There will be silence and the silence will last forever. I am going to die.
Did you hurt yourself? Sort of. Why’d you do that? I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just the cost of doing business. Her Grandmother smiles and she gently touches my face with her free hand. I hope that’s a business you’re leaving, James. I smile, enjoy the warmth of her hand. We’ll see. She nods. Her eyes and her hand understand my words, have seen and felt this type of damage before. There is no judgment and no condescension. Just hope.
She talks about the desertion. How each time it broke her heart. How with each break it became harder to heal. How with each time she healed, it became harder to love again. How each time hope faded into desolation. Into loneliness and despair. Into self-hatred and self-loathing. At the beginning there was hope. It faded. At the end there was nothing.
They say live and let live, do not judge, take life as it comes.
I don’t believe she’s in Heaven and I don’t believe she’s in a better place. She’s dead and when we’re dead, we’re gone. There are no blinding lights, there is no happy music, there are no Angels waiting to greet us.