I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.
You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.
Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I’m coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.
This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!
We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.
Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don’t feature enough affordable cars on the show so we’ll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!
I don’t often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal’s duty to be on my plate at supper time.
Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.
This is a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day.
The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!
They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.
Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.
Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.
There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.
If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian’s Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: ‘Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.’
If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that’s a cool way to die!
I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: ‘Can we borrow yours?’ and he said, ‘Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.’
Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.