In celebration of Mother’s Day yesterday, President Obama called three moms who had written him letters. Then kids who made their mom a macaroni necklace said, ‘Thanks, Obama.’
Newt Gingrich plans to announce his campaign for president this Wednesday. I don’t know about his chances. I mean, I’m not saying Gingrich peaked in the ’90s, but his campaign is being sponsored by Tamagotchis and Crystal Pepsi.
Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It turns out Trump’s winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine.
If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don’t have a choice.
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather – because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen?
You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you’re doing it. That is how you torture yourself.
Everyone looks so much better when they smile.
We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you’re a pretty good fan. You don’t have to win everything to be a fan of something.
President Obama and Mitt Romney both gave commencement speeches over the last few days. Obama was like, ‘You can be whatever you want to be,’ while Romney was like, ‘I can be whatever you want me to be.’
A girl in New York whose parents were on Wife Swap is suing the show for 100-million dollars for making her look like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred million dollars.
The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
I think you just look for the person you have the most fun with. And that’s enough. You realize, “Wait, I can just keep having fun with her forever?” Yes, you can do that. That is the key.
New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been positioning himself to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Hillary once developed a program to deliver rural healthcare, while de Blasio once dropped a groundhog on its head.
Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you’re married, it’s actually located in your wife’s brain.
This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone.
President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course, it’s $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on.
Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.
I feel like I’m being too Zen. I’m inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It’s embarrassing.
You only think of the best comeback when you leave.
In a new interview, the president discussed the upcoming election. He said that Hillary Clinton is going to do great as a presidential candidate. When asked how Biden would do, Obama said, ‘Hillary’s going to do great.’