It doesn’t make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who’s dead.
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
When people disagreed with him he urged them to be objective.
Major Major had lied, and it was good. He was not really surprised that it was good, for he had observed that people who did lie were, on the whole, more resourceful and ambitious and successful than people who did not lie.
Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times.
Gold was not sure of many things, but he was definite about one: for every successful person he knew, he could name at least two others of greater ability, better, and higher intelligence who, by comparison, had failed.
Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he’s in his office.
A man’s head is his castle.
I never even realized I was Jewish until I was practically grown up. Or rather, I used to feel that everybody in the world was Jewish, which amounts to the same thing.
I couldn’t see tying myself down with a middle-aged woman with four children, even though the woman was my wife and the children were my own.
If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
Everyone in my book accuses everyone else of being crazy. Frankly, I think the whole society is nuts – and the question is: What does a sane man do in an insane society?
Everybody is as unstable as water.
Men went mad and were rewarded with medals.
From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.