How did I get here? Somebody pushed me. Somebody must have set me off in this direction and clus-ters of other hands must have touched themselves to the controls at various times, for I would not have picked this way for the world.
I’ve come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all right, so it couldn’t be too difficult for me.
All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
I’ll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning.
If character is destiny, the good are damned.
Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
I don’t believe in miracles because it’s been a long time since we’ve had any.
I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
There was only one catch and that was catch 22.
The problem with the loneliness I suffer is that the company of others has never been a cure for it.
I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
When I read something saying I’ve not done anything as good as ‘Catch-22’ I’m tempted to reply, ‘Who has?’
Remember that everyone deserves some fun during working hours.
Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
If a man is going to leave one wife to marry another, it’s better if he divorces the first before he marries the second.
There are yawning gulfs into which large chunks of me have fallen. I do not always know where I am at present.