Every man should know something of law; if he knows enough to keep out of it, he is a pretty good lawyer.
Take the humbug out of this world, and you haven’t much left to do business with.
There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow’s sister.
Nature makes all the noblemen; wealth, education, or pedigree never made one yet.
You cannot analyze a kiss any more than you can dissect the fragrance of flowers.
Jealousy is one of love’s parasites.
Hunting after happiness is like hunting after a lost sheep in the wilderness – when you find it, the chances are that it is a skeleton.
The man who has never been tempted doesn’t know how dishonest he is.
Fortune is like a coquette; if you don’t run after her, she will run after you.
Show me a thoroughly contented person, and I will show you a useless one.
Rivalry and envy are Siamese twins.
There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as revenge.
Where religion is a trade, morality is a merchandise.
A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.
Morally considered, laughter is next to the Ten Commandments.
Silence is a still noise.
There are very few good judges of humor, and they don’t agree.
It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome.
Zoroaster said, when in doubt abstain; but this does not always apply. At cards, when in doubt take the trick.
Despatch is taking time by the ears; hurry is taking it by the end of the tail.