There are few things ever dreamed of, smoked or injected that have as addictive an effect on our brains as technology. This is how our devices keep us captive and always coming back for more. The definitive Internet act of our times is a perfect metaphor for the promise of reward: we search. And we search. And we search some more, clicking that mouse like – well, like a rat in a cage seeking another “hit”, looking for the elusive reward that will finally feel like enough.
Stress happens when something you care about is at stake. It’s not a sign to run away – it’s a sign to step forward.
But over the last decade, neuroscientists have discovered that, like an eager student, the brain is remarkably responsive to experience. Ask your brain to do math every day, and it gets better at math. Ask your brain to worry, and it gets better at worrying. Ask your brain to concentrate, and it gets better at concentrating. Not only does your brain find these things easier, but it actually remodels itself based on what you ask it to do.
When you try to push a thought away, and it keeps coming back to your mind, you are more likely to assume that it must be true.
Feeling burdened rather than uplifted by everyday duties is more a mindset than a measure of what is going on in your life.
We all have the tendency to believe self-doubt and self-criticism, but listening to this voice never gets us closer to our goals.
Even in the Stone Age, the rules for how to win friends and influence people were likely the same as today’s: Cooperate when your neighbor needs shelter, share your dinner even if you’re still hungry, and think twice before saying “That loincloth makes you look fat.” In other words, a little self-control, please.
The willingness to think what you think and feel what you feel – without necessarily believing that it is true, and without feeling compelled to act on it – is an effective strategy for treating anxiety, depression, food cravings, and addiction. As we consider the evidence for each, we’ll see that giving up control of our inner experiences gives us greater control over our outer actions.
Our society may praise being above the influence of others, but we cannot separate ourselves from our social instincts.
When people who have taken a positive step toward meeting a goal – for example, exercising, studying, or saving money – are asked, “How much progress do you feel you have made on your goal?” they are more likely to then do something that conflicts with that goal, like skip the gym the next day, hang out with friends instead of studying, or buy something expensive.
If there is a secret for greater self-control, the science points to one thing: the power of paying attention. It’s training the mind to recognize when you’re making a choice, rather than running on autopilot.
It’s the habit of noticing what you are about to do, and choosing to do the more difficult thing instead of the easiest.
According to a 2008 study by the National Sleep Foundation, American adults now get two hours less sleep per night than the average in 1960.
To exert self-control, you need to find your motivation when it matters. This is “I want” power.
Stress Helps You Learn and Grow.
When you are tempted to act against your long-term interests, frame the choice as giving up the best possible long-term reward for whatever the immediate gratification is.
Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake.
The fact that this same basic approach helps such a wide range of willpower challenges, from depression to drug addiction, confirms that these three skills – self-awareness, self-care, and remembering what matters most – are the foundation for self-control.
Self-knowledge – especially of how we find ourselves in willpower trouble – is the foundation of self-control.
Stress and meaning are inextricably linked. You don’t stress out about things you don’t care about, and you can’t create a meaningful life without experiencing some stress.