Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.
Now on Facebook I have all these ‘friends’ who used to bully me, and they’re like, ‘We’re so proud! We love you!’ They come to shows and want to take a picture, and they’re like, ‘Don’t you remember us?’ And I’m like, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t.’ And I feel bad, but I feel good.
To start telling people that you’re beautiful, or just feel beautiful, just start acting like you are the most beautiful woman in the world. And it really improves everything! Because your sort of psyche responds to it – like this is truthful!
Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.
It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself and the problems you face in life. Sense of humor can save you.
Since I became a dancer, I have felt much better about myself.
I just think women are funnier than men.
The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass.
If I’m talking to a guy who’s straight and cute and single, I’m like ‘are you a unicorn?’
It’s hard to find peace with your thighs, but when they chafe, try to be grateful for them. Your thighs let you run and get you where you want to go. I have not just thigh peace but thigh happiness, and it begins with thigh gratitude.
The power of visibility can never be underestimated.
Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.
There’s a lot of guy comics who I think are funny, but I generally am more excited about a special or a show where there are females.
People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.
I’m not a body shamer. The word fat has been used to hurt me my entire life.
I was raised to be self-conscious about weight. Then as I got older and started doing television, it became a career issue, like, ‘You have to lose weight or you’ll lose that job.’
I mean, what’s great about touring is that’s what you do. You’re in a constant state of motion and then you stop to do a show and you move onto the next city. All you have to do is do the show. That’s the only responsibility that you have.
You have to adhere to a certain morality, a certain level of decorum, or else you’ll be punished and labeled.
Interventions are really emotionally exhausting and I would never ever want to have one. In the same way, I would never want to have a surprise birthday party. That would be horrible.
The best tattooists are in San Francisco, and they’re kind of like my family now. I’m always excited to come back to San Francisco.