One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.
I love singing and that’s kind of my new thing.
Why do Republicans hate gay marriage so much? They certainly don’t hate gay prostitutes.
I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they’d laugh.
I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and the part where Jesus carries the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, Wow! That must be a really good workout! Yeah, because you’re doing arms and cardio!
I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.
I refer to myself as gay, but I’m married to a man.
I don’t want to hurt anybody because of their looks. That’s been used to hurt me so much.
I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, “OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell.”
I do love the road, because for me, the road is very comfortable, and it’s very much what I’ve always wanted to do. It’s one of the most appealing things about comedy for me, so I do really have an affection for it.
My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don’t speak English.
For me to be ten pounds thinner is a full-time job, and I am handing in my notice and walking out the door!!
I love fashion, I’m actually a pretty talented seamstress, so I can make stuff for myself, but that’s really time-consuming.
A lot of the actresses who were around when I started, I don’t know where they are. Comics stick around.
Politics has less to do with where you live than where your heart is.
I think reality television is such a special talent.
We women are constantly at war with our bodies, it is hard to find amnesty for ourselves.
In the early ’90s, there was such a limited idea of what you could see on TV.
I think it is time for all babies to let us know who they want for president.
It’s important to feel beautiful; it’s political to feel beautiful.