We’ve got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It’s bizarre, and they’re writing some very funny stuff.
Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget.
Sometimes people try to read into my strip and find out what my state of mind is. And I can say if I’m in a good mood, generally the comic strip starts out in a good mood, but the punchline is very negative and sour.
Everybody doesn’t have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.
I don’t have to be careful, I’ve got a gun.
Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
Let’s face it, all the good stuff happens after midnight.
Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?
One of the things I would like to do is make up stories that I would have enjoyed when I was a kid. So, if I’m thinking about an audience, it’s usually a younger version of myself.
Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
Me fail English? That’s impossible.
Everybody is clever, just in their own ways.
Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
Aren’t we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
If something is too hard to do, then it’s not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we’ll go inside and watch TV.
Think beer; drink beer.
I love the idea that we put in jokes the kids don’t get. And that later, when they grow up and read a few books and go to college and watch the show again, they can get it on a completely different level.