It’s a vast waste of space.
A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.
Do you work in a strip club?
A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone’s working too much. Now everybody’s got more leisure time they’re complaining they’re unemployed. People don’t seem to make up their minds what they want.
If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.
Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.
You can’t have been here long, you haven’t got a pot belly.
What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.
You could do with losing a little bit of weight.
I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!
You ARE a woman, aren’t you?
We didn’t have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!
For conservation to be successful it is necessary to take into consideration that it is a characteristic of man that he can only be relied upon to do anything consistently which is in his own interest.
Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?
It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.
Ah, you’re the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then?
We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.
I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I’ve practised for many years.