There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It’s not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it’s not.
You can’t fix stupid. There’s not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.
I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.
In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That’s right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.
My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
I’d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
I’m a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I’m doing television, I don’t have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you’re a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.