The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.
Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.
When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you’re grown up, a credit card does it.
The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.
Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.
Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.
A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn’t have time to come in.
Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?
The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They’re always buying something we can’t afford.
Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.
A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.
The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.
The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it’s a good idea to turn off the sound.
Two things help to keep one’s job. First, let the boss think he’s having his own way. Second, let him have it.