Unless we’re talking about old-school, witchcraft-trial violence, can we please phase out the phrase ‘girl crush?’ While we’re at it, if we can axe ‘like, total girl crush’ unless Total Girl Crush is the name of a fizzy soft drink, in which case I’ll take two, thank you.
Kids across the country have grown up accepting the idea that no one can harm your family if at least one of its adult members is in the shower. No one knows why.
I have come to understand myself as more of a New York writer, or more of a woman writer, but I don’t feel like that while I’m writing. But I think that most New Yorkers would object to calling me a New Yorker. I didn’t grow up here.
I prefer to record all traumas and save them for later, playing them over and over so they can haunt me for a disproportionate number of weeks to come. It’s very healthy.
As we grow up, it feels like you should either invite people into your life or not. There should be fewer and fewer instances of friends you ‘can only take in small doses.’
I spent a lot of time waiting for things to happen to me, which is more or less as pathetic as it sounds.
In New York and LA, there is sort of that silent competition to be on the cutting edge of something.
A lot of people are lonely. A lot of people are lonely even when they’re surrounded by other people.
It’s remarkable the logic we’ll build around a misapprehension.
I thought I’d had another few decades before my noise complaint years.
I felt like I wasn’t doing justice to either side of my life. It wasn’t pronounced. Publicity is an awkward thing to do. It is awkward to call people up all the time and ask them for things on a very basic level.
We are only as good as our most extreme experiences.
As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what’s been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge.
Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure.
You feel like telling him you’re not single in the way that he thinks you’re single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you’re not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
Sometimes in New York, you’re walking down the street and you realize there’s a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed.
Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?
The Darkness at Irving. Hope to have as much fun doing anything ever as these guys have on stage.
The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It’s hideously bad. Truly rotten.
Because this is the beauty of strangers: we’re all just doing our best to help each other out, motivated not by karma but by a natural instinct to help the greater whole.