It’s tough at the top. It’s tough at the bottom. But in between you could use them for horse-shoes.
Around it are those countries which, according to History, constitute the civilised world ie, a world that can support historians.
Most armies are in fact run by their sergeants – the officers are there just to give things a bit of tone and prevent warfare becoming a mere lower-class brawl.
It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military maneuvers, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of.
Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, ‘What happens if I do this?’
The words are easy – most of them have already been invented.
A good man will kill you with hardly a word.
Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine – once. Like the Borg, they learn...
It is possible to live well with dementia and write best-sellers ’like wot I do.
Oh dear me, the Booker people don’t like me. I don’t care. I have been given an award for being taken not seriously, and I am very, very pleased about that.
If my father could have sat up in bed and said goodbye, I’d have pressed the button. I wouldn’t have been able to see for crying, but I would have considered that a duty.
Making money isn’t something to be ashamed of. There’s a feeling now that if you have money you must have got it by some kind of shady dealing or being an MP.
If I had been Terry Pratchett the farmer, or Terry Pratchett the dentist, nobody would have paid any attention if I had announced I had Alzheimer’s. But there is something fascinating about an author losing the power over words.
There are times when phrases such as ‘totally astonished’ just don’t do the job. I am, of course, delighted and honoured and, needless to say, flabbergasted.
It’s hard to be famous and alive.
Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment.
Magic is just a way of saying ‘I don’t know.’
The power of prayer and faith can heal and bring happiness. The real tragedy is that the people that are helped by this don’t realize that this power is really coming from within.
When you stand between two mirrors you’re spread out among the images, your whole soul is pulled out thin, and somewhere in the distant images a dark part of you might get out and come looking for you, if you aren’t careful.
The conflict is not between Christianity and Islam or between East and West – instead, it is between stupid people and other stupid people.