I’m not cruel, sir, I won’t shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.
You had to deal every day with people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking that the world would be considerably improved if you gave them a slap.
Young man, the games we play are lessons we learn. The assumptions we make, things we ignore, and things we change make us what we become.
Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him a sort of friend.
Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them.
Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge.
Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped.
Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon – he’d run them all.
It’s quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it.
He said it was better to belong where you don’t belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.
Quick, someone’s coming! Look real!
Rings try to find their way back to their owner. Someone ought to write a book about it.
And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible.
Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.
It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.
Drinks like this tend to get called Traffic Lights or Rainbow’s Revenge or, in places where truth is more highly valued, Hello and Good-Bye, Mr. Brain Cell.
I imagine that fish have no word for water.
In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language.
If there’s one thing that really annoys a god, it’s not knowing something.
Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!