You’ve got a lot of time for abstract thought when you’ve got your hand stuck up a dead badger.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends, I read somewhere.
Aliens don’t get stuck in air ducts. It’s practically a well-known fact.
The Chain Letter to the Ephebians. Forget Your Gods. Be Subjugated. Learn to Fear. Do not break the chain – the last people who did woke up one morning to find fifty thousand armed men on their lawn.
When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.
Are you a philosopher? Where’s your sponge?
All holy piety in public, and all peeled grapes and self-indulgence in private.
We’re philosophers. We think, therefore we are.
You can’t find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing.
I thought jet planes were just trucks with more wings and less wheels.
I’m fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain.
People are bound to get excited when they see a ten-million-ton starship trying to fly down the street.
Quit while you’re a head, that’s what I say.
When it’s time to stop living, I will certainly make Death my number one choice!
I express preference for a chronological sequence of events which precludes a violence.
Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving.
It was the heart of any scam or fiddle – keep the punter uncertain, or, if he is certain, make him certain of the wrong thing.
Most people who have found that they are more intelligent than most around them, have yet to learn that one of the most intelligent things they can do is prevent said people ever finding this out.
Imagination is only intelligence having fun. A healthy mind knows how to switch between worlds, and which one you need to eat and sleep in.
Evolution was far more thrilling to me than the biblical account. Who would not rather be a rising ape than a falling angel? To my juvenile eyes, Darwin was proved true every day. It doesn’t take much to make us flip back into monkeys again.