Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I’ve always loved that about the hunters that I’ve known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don’t shoot for sport.
My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
I have a thing for tools.
I do a lot of family shows.
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
If it doesn’t say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.
I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.