The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.
The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you’re in.
Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
What feeling is so nice as a child’s hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp.
I’ve known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn’t been asleep.
I’ve spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
The first hundred years are the hardest.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
I’d rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
The most efficient water power in the world – women’s tears.