To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.
Some of the greatest love affairs I’ve known have involved one actor-unassisted.
You’re a mouse studying to be a rat.
I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.
I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.
God help those who do not help themselves.
Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
A fellow who is always declaring that he’s no fool, usually has his suspicions.
He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
Failure has gone to his head.
I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, ‘Have you read – .’
Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
I’ve had ample contact with lawyers, and I’m convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.
If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.