Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.
Women should be obscene, not heard.
Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
Africa is God’s country, and He can have it.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
Groucho Marx “This is not a book that should be set aside lightly – it should be flung with great force.
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
I only write first editions.
According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is beautiful and that she has red hair. I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair. Red hair makes a man want to recover his health quickly, so that he can get on his feet and get the nurse off hers.” – Groucho Marx, letter to his son.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat, and if your hearts beat anything but diamonds and clubs, it’s because your partner is cheating, or your wife.
That’s three quotes? Add another quote and make it a gallon.
Por el mero hecho de existir la gente se cree con derecho a ser feliz.
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
Scientists make these deductions by examining a rat, or your landlord who won’t cut the rent, and what do they find? Asparagus.
You know, I would buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn’t open.
This is a GALA day for you. Answer: Well, a GAL a day is enough for me!