I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’d like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there’s something going on in mathematics that I don’t understand, and I’d like to find out what it is.
Finding the tool is often half the battle.
Walking is good for the soul.
Everyone hates war, everyone says.
I like Valentine’s Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don’t dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
People waiting for an elevator don’t know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you – the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what’s wrong and try to make it better. That’s what a patriotic American does.
When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, “Things aren’t as good as they used to be.” But it’s hard not to.
Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.
Most of us aren’t that interested in getting rich- we just don’t want to get poor.
Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
Conservatives are more religious than liberals – although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We’re annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.
I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.
If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you don’t know the facts, your opinion doesn’t count.