Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can’t win. If you live, you don’t get the money. If you die, you don’t get to enjoy the money.
Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.
It’s better to dance like a fool, than to stand around like an idiot.
A cow’s heaven is a flower’s idea of hell.
You only live once, so enjoy the ride.
Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.
Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible profit.
Life is like the ocean. You can either be the ball floating on the waves, or make your own waves.
Good things you have to make happen. Bad things happen all by themselves.
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.
A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.
Some guys like to undermine a girl’s self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn’t hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.
Ordinary people are products of their environment and fit in. Artists transcend their environment and stand out.
Heaven is a place where all the dogs you’ve ever loved come to greet you.
Guns make small men feel big.
Dogs are angels full of poop.
Democracy’s fatal flaw: There are more dumb people than smart people. Welcome to the new Dark Ages!
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” -Mark Twain.
58 percent of the questioned residents still trust the police to do “the right thing” while only about 10 to 15 percent trust the government officials and politicians.
Dingleberries:.