Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.
How love works: Proximity leads to intimacy, and intimacy leads to a relationship. In other words, people who are around each other a lot, get close, and end up hooking up. So it’s no great mystery why bosses and secretaries or co-workers or classmates end up dating each other.
Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.
It’s better to dance like a fool, than to stand around like an idiot.
A cow’s heaven is a flower’s idea of hell.
Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can’t win. If you live, you don’t get the money. If you die, you don’t get to enjoy the money.
You only live once, so enjoy the ride.
Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible profit.
Life is like the ocean. You can either be the ball floating on the waves, or make your own waves.
Good things you have to make happen. Bad things happen all by themselves.
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.
A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.
Some guys like to undermine a girl’s self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn’t hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.