Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.
IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians – who are Hogmies.
A lottery is a tax on stupidity.
Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager.
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
The sum of religion, says Pythagoras, is to be like him thou worshipest. Had Pythagoras lived in our day he would have seen his mistake. The sum of modern religion is to make him thou worshipest like unto thyself.
We must stop chasing dollars, stop lying, stop cheating, stop ignoring art, literature, and all the refining agencies and instrumentalities of civilization.
Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.
NOBLEMAN, n. Nature’s provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.