Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum – “I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;” as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
To seek a justification for a decision already made.
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.