PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;.
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
NIRVANA- In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.
Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.
Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.