YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.
Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.
REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
FICKLENESS, n. The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.
UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one’s own wife.
An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.
Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.
DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.