Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.
Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
It has been observed that one’s nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody’s pocket.
The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Laughter – an interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features, and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious, and though intermittent, incurable.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.