I had a happy childhood in a nice suburban area, pretty idyllic, upper middle class and very, very white. My dad is an attorney. My mother is a housewife. They had five kids in seven years: me, my brother, and three sisters. I’m the oldest. We were all very active. My mother was exhausted.
When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I’m happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
I would never hit a woman – even if she had a knife or a stutter.
Stereotypes wouldn’t be so bad if black people were nicer, in general.
Hitler really wasn’t so bad. In the black way.
Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I’m always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
I’m fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I’ve ever had growing up could attest.
If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can’t remember the next joke.
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
I’m not a comedy writer, I’m a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
I’m a realist all the way. I’m too cynical to be an optimist. But I’ve lived too much of a charmed life so far to ever be a pessimist.
My favorite sport is football. I’m a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
My mom’s been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed – if she’s ever going to be good at golf.
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, ‘I’ll write more than everybody else, and that’s how I’ll get better.’
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don’t know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn’t even tell you what they are, or if they’re good. I just assume they weren’t.
I’m a comedian and there are a lot of things I’m still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don’t like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.
I don’t think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don’t embrace them.