It’s a lot of work to read a crummy script.
You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.
My first movie, I got nominated for a Canadian Oscar-for Meatballs. For MEATBALLS. And who am I up against? George C. Scott. So he wins the award and I stand up and go, ‘That’s it-let’s get the hell outta here.’
Melancholy is kind of sweet sometimes, I think. It’s not a negative thing. It’s not a mean thing. It’s just something that happens in life, like autumn.
The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe...
Its Christmas Eve! Its the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.
It’s much harder to play beloved than to play a rotten guy. Rotten guy is a piece of cake. So playing a beloved person really sets a high bar for your behavior and your acting and what you project.
I know how to be sour. I know that taste.
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
The government can destroy wealth but it cannot create wealth, which is the product of labor and management working with creation.
If you have a good script, that’s what gets you involved. It’s harder to write a good screenplay than to find something.
To people who want to be rich and famous, I’d say, “Get rich first and see if that doesn’t cover it.”
My back hurts. My legs ache. I’m only four!
It’s the most terrifying day of your life, the day the first one is born. Your life, as you know it, is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk, and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you’ll ever meet in your life.
If Google doesn’t know the answer, then it’s not a question.
I didn’t get into this position by being like a stiff sitting on the set in a folding chair. I did it by walking around on the streets and stirring things up.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses.
I really don’t know what’s going to come out of my mouth.
The human condition means that we can zone out and forget what the hell we’re doing.
Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.